Cool dude on a ventilator drinking two fingers of whiskey

Newcastle pub unveils £40 million ICU wing ahead of reopening

A popular pub in the centre of Newcastle has said it will not be opening on the 4th July, despite new regulations, as it is putting the finishing touches on a state-of-the-art intensive care unit within its premises.

The pub, which for legal reasons cannot be named, revealed it had invested over £40 million on the project, which it called a “necessary measure to ensure the safety of our clientele.” The project was set to be finished in time for the 4th July, when hundreds of pubs across the country opened their doors for the first time since lockdown, but unforeseen circumstances meant that the deadline has been pushed back. Landlord Tom Martin had the following to say. “I saw how the Chinese built a hospital in 7 days and thought to myself ‘how hard can it possibly be?’ I have a few mates who work in construction who were keen to get on board.”

To fund the costs of the project, Tom says that he has started a gofundme page. “I am currently £47,000,000 in debt, but I know the good, generous people of this city are as keen as I am for pubs to reopen in a safe manner, so money is not a concern.”

Pub-goers will share the pub with patients who decided to break lockdown to get a few pints in. Beds are interspersed between tables, and a top range ventilator has been placed next to the fruit machine. Bartenders at the pub have been given intensive medical training ahead of time, to avoid the cost of having to hire qualified professionals.

The pub is scheduled to open its doors later this month.

 

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