A centre-left news outlet has once again taken the noble stance of calling to attention Trump’s small hands and silly hair. The article goes into searing detail about how online discourse has become toxic, before finishing off with jokes about someone’s physical appearance.
These jokes sadly left the publication’s fearless reporter without the column inches to report on less important matters, like how Trump is a white supremacist. Also missing from the article was information on how he coerced a foreign state for political gain.
The article also fails to discuss that Trump has been accused of sexual misconduct by at least twenty five women. On the bright side, the barb about how Trump puckers his lips sometimes was really funny.
Speaking to The Toon Lampoon, the hack explained “the whole Ukraine stuff is boring; you know what’s interesting? Trump’s fake tan.”
He added further, “his skin looks like if Fanta could blush. Haha.” He finished by asking “that’s funny, don’t you think?”
The journalist promptly pitched an opinion piece to Vice with that joke in the headline, and was paid a depressing amount to write it.
Rest assured that writers for The Toon Lampoon will never be corrupted by money, seeing as that requires having money.