Eat@Newcastle Updates Policy to Rule In Dubious US Meat

Eat@Newcastle, the company that operates Newcastle’s favourite culinary travesties, such as Chicken Shack opposite Luther’s and the Castle Leazes dining facilities, has made a controversial promise to utilise 100% American meat in the event of a trade deal without food standards protections.

Eat@Newcastle CEO, Veronica Egan, said “Despite our pride in the quality of our products and our concern for the health of our customers, we realise that students ultimately care about getting the cheapest deal possible. As such, utilising imported meat will greatly drive down our costs, the savings generated by which will definitely be passed on to students.”

Egan added, “Where we will see the most benefit is the Castle Leazes project. For years, we have tried to provide the bare minimum to people who are unable to cook for themselves, whilst charging an extortionate amount for meals. The reduction in ingredient costs will allow us to fund further research into separating money from the residents of Castle Leazes, or rather separating money from the residents’ parents.”

Consumer group Which? has claimed that poor US farming practices contribute to high incidence of food-borne illness among Americans. In any case, it would be best to see silver linings where possible; you might not have to exercise to avoid gaining weight when diarrhea and vomiting will have those kilos just melting off you.

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