Gay community outraged as straights appropriate banana bread during lockdown

Lockdown boredom led to an alarming number of straight people taking it upon themselves to bake their own banana bread, a tradition widely considered sacred among the gay community.

Dating back as far as the 1600s, gay people have long used banana bread as a token of love, as well as the perfect solution to those forgotten bananas that were bought with the best intentions and left to go bad at the back of the cupboard. 

Now the history of banana bread has been rendered meaningless, as straight people have been seen bashing out loaves left right and centre.

We spoke to a young lesbian couple affected by this secondary pandemic:

“Our house got egged last year during Pride Month. Now everyone’s got rainbows in their windows and they’re stockpiling all the bloody eggs! What are we supposed to do in lockdown now?”

The couple, who wish to remain anonymous, added they are “saddened, but not surprised” by the selfish behaviour displayed by straight people in the current climate.

Celebrities have also taken to social media to express their concern. Ellen DeGeneres tweeted:

Image adapted from Ellen DeGeneres on Twitter, who did not actually tweet this. Ellen, if you really are the Queen of Nice, please don’t sue us

As the number of banana bread appropriation cases continues to rise, LGBTQ+ spokesperson Sandi Toskvig is due to meet with the Official Ruler of Baked Goods, Mary Berry, on Zoom in the coming weeks to discuss possible legal action.

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