Plucky teen detective found dismembered

The career of the young, crime-solving detective, Marcie May, 13, came to a tragic end earlier today, as Northumbria Police confirmed that they had recovered her remains inside fifteen plastic bags in a Byker warehouse.

Detective Les B. Avenue gave a statement to the press once the corpse of the thirteen-year-old prodigy had been identified. Speaking outside the scene of the apparent execution, Avenue told reporters, “It’s a sad loss to all of us who knew young Marcie, as well as to the police service of the North East. I’m sure that all of us remember the events of last year when Marcie helped the police arrest smugglers at Smuggler’s Top, or six months ago, when she recovered Lady Lucy Thomas’s pearl necklace. In these, and in many more cases, Marcie was indispensable.”

It is thought that May was in the process of shadowing members of a cartel who were moving a shipment of contraband or narcotics through the Byker area before her untimely death.

“She’d been on their trail for several days,” Avenue could confirm to The Lampoon earlier today. “Marcie would often find clues that uniformed officers would miss, and they would so often lead her to a crime in progress, like a kidnapped scientist or a wealthy widow being held prisoner in her own manor house. At which point, typically, she would share our findings with us, and we would move in to make arrests. We can only surmise that, considering the dangerous locale and the likelihood of trouble with the local residents, these cartel gentlemen were on high alert, and Marcie forgot to take off her shoes or to only walk on the carpet to hide the sound of her footsteps. You can’t afford to make mistakes in this game.”

Marcie leaves behind a loyal dog, Sherlock, who managed to flee the scene during his owner’s torture and death at the hands of the cartel, and a magnifying glass smeared with blood. Sherlock has been moved into a witness protection program, and his whereabouts are currently unknown.

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