In a rare moment of sheepishness, a cabal of fundamentalist doomsday preachers are waiting for someone else to announce “we told you so”.
2020 has been a difficult year all-round for fire and brimstone priests. The last seven months have been supremely taxing on their imaginations, seeing as they have to explain how things are going to get worse.
“We thought 2016 was a blow-out,” a priest told The Lampoon. “But 2020 has made electing a white supremacist and all your childhood heroes dying seem like a walk in the park.”
“Once we tell everyone that we were right on the Twitter account that all doomsday preachers use – @SteveBannon – we’re out of a job.“
We asked the priest if they had recorded any years as bad as 2020. She promptly opened their history book, and began turning back pages for about half an hour.
Eventually, she landed on “542 AD! There was war, sieges and invasions; oh, and even a plague.”
Determined to find an optimistic spin for this article, our reporter asked her what happened to people after 542.
“The plague killed half of Europe.”