Clinton Foundation reveals 70% of Confederate soldiers had gay sex

A stunning fact about our Southern brothers was revealed yesterday by The Clinton Foundation. The organisation, set up by former President Bill Clinton in 1997, claims that a stunning 70% of Civil War soldiers on the confederate side partook in gay sex either before, during or after the conflict.

By collecting a huge catalogue of primary sources, such as newspapers, personal journals, and letters, from the Civil War period, The Clinton Foundation was able to figure out if any soldiers engaged in homosexual activities. The Foundation have also announced interest in setting up a website with details of all confederate soldiers and an attached percentage of “how queer” they were.

“We think it would be great for children to read about their family’s history, connecting with a relative they never met and finding out if they were gay” said a spokesperson on behalf of The Clinton Foundation. However, it is not likely for this website to be fully operational until “2025 at the earliest” due to the huge amount of soldiers they’d have to document and calculate queerness for; a beta is expected by next fall.

This high number of homosexuality has shocked many Civil War historians, especially when compared with the estimated figures for homosexuality in Northern soldiers (Yankees) being as low as 10%. The news has been well received by the gay community, with the CEO of the LGBT movement announcing her excitement of the news on twitter today. “Guys, it’s time to rehabilitate the confederacy!” she said. She went on to argue that this news makes the Confederacy “The first majority gay American army [which makes them] great role models for queer kids to look up to.”

The Lampoon have reached out to The Clinton Foundation for comment this story but, as of yet, haven’t heard anything from the organisation.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s