No more news for you until you’ve calmed down a little

The Toon Lampoon is here to bring you today’s top story, which is that the news will not resume until you’ve settled yourself down a bit. This follows an earlier story, also broken by The Lampoon, which revealed that it’s high time that you started acting your age rather than your shoe size.

Amidst reports that your behaviour is completely unacceptable for an adult, experts confirmed that they had never seen such a disappointing performance in all their years of putting up with your nonsense. When asked for comment, a source who wished to remain anonymous for their own protection from your goddamn childish attitude said, “It really is unbelievable. The levels of immaturity have broken through every previous record, and they’re fast approaching the point where they will, in fact, surpass the giddy limit.”

Of course, this is not the first time that eyebrows have been raised at your frankly unacceptable conduct. However, sources opined that you really have taken it too far this time and that they’re just glad that your mother isn’t here to see this performance.

The Toon Lampoon attempts in all things to hold itself to a high objective standard. We feel that we must follow our own moral integrity, though, and advise that you buck your ideas up, young man or lady, because you’re impressing absolutely no-one. The Lampoon team would like to add, on a personal note, that we just hope that you’re proud of yourself.

Honestly.

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