Gaming Society relieved that none of their players are good enough at Super Smash Brothers to be paedophiles

The Newcastle University Gaming Society has made a statement that it is “relieved” that none of the Super Smash Brothers players within its ranks are good enough at any of the series’ games to have been outed as child molesters.

Recently many players within the community have come forward and revealed that they were groomed and/or sexually abused by top players within the community. So far all the allegations have been compiled in a megathread in the Smash Bros subreddit.

In its statement, the Society said: “Whilst the vast majority of our Smash players are Smash 4 and Ultimate players, none of them are good enough to have been featured on the UK PR, not even as honourable mentions! As a result, we’re glad that none of our members have felt the desires to obtain sexually explicit images of or to sexually assault children.”

“We do have a couple Melee players in the society but they’re Fox mains and don’t even talk to their flatmates, let alone random children. They say they’re labbing techskill but it is the opinion of the society that they need to focus on their shocking neutral game.”

In the light of this controversy, it is probably for the best that the majority of the society’s players go 0-2 in bracket. It is this university’s tradition that the sports clubs exhibit morally reprehensible and potentially illegal behaviour, not the esports clubs.

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