Vice-Chancellor releases smooth jazz album to help students and staff relax

Vice-Chancellor Chris Day has released a free smooth jazz album for Newcastle University students and staff, in order to help them relax in these “trying times”.

In a statement on Twitter, Professor Day said “After the wild success of the toad poem, I knew more would have to be done eventually to help assuage the fears of our staff and students in the current climate. Thankfully, due to my modest income, I was able to hire a reasonably priced saxophone teacher and backing band, as well as legendary producer Nile Rodgers, to give life to this passion project.

“I want the absolute best for the university and its denizens, so long as the money keeps rolling in.” Professor Day added “I know that staff are worried about their income and the future of their work, for this I recommend track five, Hard Work ft. Theo Katzman.

“Many of our students are concerned about their education. They’re worried about the quality of the teaching they’ll receive remotely, given that we’ve told students for years that just watching the ReCap isn’t sufficient. They also fear for their employability once they’ve graduated, as many won’t receive the same level of practical experience as they would have in the before times.”

Our reporter couldn’t find any more of the Vice-Chancellor’s statement. At The Lampoon, we can’t believe he’d just not address students’ concerns, so it’s probably Twitter making a mistake, right? Right?

The Needle Drop gave the album a “strong 3” whilst Pitchfork gave it a 3.2.

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