Outrage persists at Kayleigh Basicton for her heinous crimes against her people this week. At 4:23pm on 25 July 2020, 20-year-old Kailey purchased a portion of pork meatball yakisoba instead of her usual chicken katsu curry at the Haymarket branch of Japanese fast food outlet Shijo.
As soon as Kayliee’s friends realised they quickly began to turn against her, shunning her as a ‘hipster’ and a ‘traitor’. Brooklynne, better known as simply ‘one of the girlies’, said: “This time she’s taken it too far. What’s next? Loving your family more than Starbucks? Demanding your boyfriend get your birthday present from a different shop than Pandora, or even not ordering Katsu at Wagamamas too?”
It is known that on their last trip, like every trip, her and her friends agreed to be “more adventurous” next time and finally order something different. But this time K’Leigh didn’t panic and revert to her usual order – blasphemous behaviour that will see Kae-Lee ostracised forever, or at least til next Monday.
Twitter has come to the consensus that mixing up her order with a tofu katsu curry is okay as it’s “totes great for the environment”. Also ordering a limited edition pumpkin spice katsu curry, if it were to be brought out, would be acceptable too. However, going ‘off-menu’ – or, as it’s better known, The Second Column of the menu – is ‘textbook hipster’ and has completely changed Kaile’s public brand.
Cailey will now have to adopt a full hipster lifestyle. Kae’Leigh has already thrown out her Ugg boots and yoga pants and has bought in hair dye and some oversized plaid shirts. Caeli’s Instagram bio will now be changed from the well-known Marilyn Monroe quote “Katsu curry is one of life’s greatest treasures” to “Lost in a world that doesn’t exist“. This is because Khaileeiaough can’t just enjoy the things she likes – she has to conform fully to a set stereotype.