Sausage roll more of a wrap, scientist discovers

The Global Food Technology community has been left shaken by recent research which suggests that sausage rolls are actually more of a wrap.

Nutrition specialist Dr. G. Reggs made the shock announcement in his paper On the anatomy of a sausage roll, published in the British Pastry Journal earlier this week.

In his lengthy report, Dr. Reggs argued that the shape of a sausage roll differs greatly from that of a traditional Scandinavian cinnamon roll, and it also bears no resemblance to the music of Chuck Berry and The Beatles. Instead, its form is made by gently wrapping the sausagemeat in layers of flaky pastry while listening to Eminem – “and so”, argues Dr Greggs, “the name sausage wrap would be much more appropriate.”

This declaration hasn’t, however, come without backlash. Rival nutritionist Prof Milligans countered Dr Greggs’ claims, suggesting that the paper was simply written as a marketing stunt “like when the vegan sausage roll was introduced. That was just unfair competition to guilt-trip other meat-based bakeries for ploughing their customers with coronary heart disease.”

Mr. B. Akery laughed off claims that his pastries were more like wraps than rolls, saying: “They’re still letting me get away with calling them ‘sausage’. That’s a blooming miracle.”

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