Following another ruthless attack from Redditors, the General Secretary of the Communist Party of China and President of China has resigned from all posts with immediate effect. Mr Xi has been the President of the world’s second biggest economy since March 2013. He is stepping down after Redditors “owned” him by comparing him to the famous A. A. Milne character Winnie the Pooh.
In a nation-wide address, Xi Jinping outlined the reason for his resignation:
“It is a monumental task representing 1/7th of the people on this planet. This is a task that I thought I was able to complete with grace and dignity. This was until western liberal teenagers on Reddit compared me to a yellow cartoon bear again today, which I’m absolutely sure has no racial undertones whatsoever. I now have no choice but to resign from all positions of power. Thank you.”Xi Jinping’s resignation speech
Debates over who will succeed President Xi has gripped the Chinese mainland. The previous frontrunner and current Premier of the State Council, Li Keqiang, announced today that he is not interested in the position. Rumours from inside the state press hint that the Communist Party of China were worried about his resemblance to Eeyore, and told him to step down.
As the world awaits any further updates from the Sleeping Giant, The Lampoon promises up to date coverage of the upcoming political turmoil.