A student from the home counties has been forced to make actual career plans after the shocking discovery that money doesn’t grow on trees.
Student Elle Woods made the distressing revelation during a meeting with her personal tutor.
“My tutor asked me what my plans for the future were,” recounts Elle, still visibly shaking. “After telling him I wanted to be just like one of the Kardashians, or Paris Hilton if things go tits up, he asked how I could sustain such an extravagant lifestyle.”
“My sugar daddy doesn’t have many more years left in him, and my real daddy threatened to cut me off after I made a friend from Bradford. I said I would just go farm some money trees – we probably have some on our Cheltenham estate – and my tutor told me the truth.”
It is believed that Elle had made an honest mistake, having never visited a farm before, telling The Lampoon she’s “not a peasant”.
The Lampoon doesn’t know what it’s more surprised by: how disillusioned rahs are, or the fact that someone actually had a personal tutor meeting.