A pod of dolphins was spotted Wednesday afternoon ramming a sky news boat off Dover, sources say. The boat was one of many attempting to film migrants and refugees crossing the channel in small watercraft.
After twenty minutes of ramming, the vessel listed to one side and became inundated with water, causing the captain to abandon ship. The dolphins appeared gleeful and began shouting, “How do you like it now?” along with chants of, “Ee eee eeee”.
Upon seeing the journalists in the water, a small dinghy filled with refugees approached the scene and rescued the men from the water, with one man from Syria saying, “We are all human and should never hesitate to help others”.
Dolphins will usually help drowning swimmers, and will even ward off sharks. Dolphin rescue group DRG criticised Priti Patel for her “underwhelming” and “dehumanising” approach to the refugee crisis, stating they have seen an 300% increase in refugee rescues since last year. Head of DRG Mr Bottlenose warned that if humans did not take action, more anti-media protests would likely take place.
The Lampoon reached out to Poseidon for comment but he declined our requests for an interview.