An activist living in West Jesmond has realised he’s forgotten to attend a single rally or write to his MP. As he began to think about it, he realised he had neglected to do anything that made a difference in his entire life.
The man was distraught. “I really thought my feminist crafting party was gonna bring down the patriarchy,” he told The Lampoon.
“All my female friends said I should be donating to charity or campaigning for free tampons, but I didn’t realise activism involved being so active.“
“I mean what next?” he asked our reporter. “Inequality is a systemic issue, and it takes more to solve than reposting a slick slideshow about defunding the police on my Instagram story?”
After several hours of consoling himself by watching inspirational videos of Hillary Clinton, he came to an epiphany.
“Maybe I could do more,” he told The Lampoon. “I could go to a protest and hold up a funny ironic sign.”
“What about if it said something like… um… Boris Johns-dumb? Is that anything?”
The area man does seem to be improving: since realising his lack of meaningful activism, he has started enthusiastically calling out everyone’s privilege. As soon as he calls out his own, The Lampoon believe he could really be into something.