The Toon Lampoon can exclusively reveal that, if you want that coursework to be handed in on time, the only solution is to sit yourself down and start working on it as soon as possible.
Further surveys have confirmed suspicions that it’s really time for you to knuckle down and start applying yourself, citing earlier studies indicating that your parents didn’t send you to university just so that you could party for three years.
“I’m really starting to lose patience with them,” your dad informed The Lampoon. “They’ve always had what I guess you could call a laissez-faire attitude to work and deadlines, but it’s getting to be beyond a joke.”
Earlier examples of your lack of discipline and work ethic have been noted, with experts describing you as “directionless”, “lackadaisical”, and “wasting your time reading satire articles even though that deadline’s getting closer with every passing day”.
When asked for comment, your mother assured The Lampoon that nothing could ever stop her from loving you, but did not deny that your current behaviour has become a cause for both concern and, if she was honest, disappointment.
Reports that your older or younger sibling is currently outperforming you in terms of your parents’ love and affection are, as of yet, unconfirmed.
