“Erotic fiction author” top career for English Literature graduates

Students who graduate from an English Literature course with a grade of 2:2 or above face a distinct likelihood of becoming self-published authors of erotic fiction.

After compiling data collected by over 70 universities, The Toon Lampoon can exclusively reveal that more than three-quarters of English Literature graduates have, at some point, recorded “erotic fiction author” or some variant as their primary source of income.

“It started as a bit of a laugh,” graduate Matt Markson told The Lampoon’s Arts and Culture correspondent. “I thought, ‘Well, how hard could it be?’ Less than a week later, I’d published a five-novella omnibus on Amazon and was seeing a steady stream of revenue. All it cost me was six days and my self-respect.”

More and more former English Literature students are turning to this area of employment, according to the Newcastle University Careers Centre.

“Let’s be honest, the job market’s shite right now,” stated Lesley Thompson, Careers Advisor. “I know that there’s some who’d regard this as literary prostitution, but you have to consider the kind of qualities that our English students currently receive from higher education, those being a fair knowledge of literature and seething sexual frustration. It’s not like we’re teaching them how to install HVAC units here.”

The Lampoon reached out to the Department for Education for comment on this issue but were informed that Gavin Williamson would only agree to speak to journalists who had attended private schools.

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