Ska band has tragic realisation they have more members than fans

Local ska band Screamin’ Salmonella were disappointed to learn that they have more band members than fans.

The eight piece ensemble were shocked when they counted all of their friends who came to their gigs, only to realise said task required only one hand. Front man, Crazy Rudy Jones spoke to The Lampoon, claiming “I’ve spent the past five years of my life trying to make Ska big again, only to realise that the same four people were coming to all of our gigs. I’ve put blood sweat and tears into this, alongside many hours at McDonald’s, with the belief that we will one day make it, only to realise how little we’ve progressed”.

Bassist, Doctor Ringo Montana said “Maybe when we were 25 when we started this band, it was cool to write songs about our ex girlfriends and how much we hate living with our mothers, but when you’re 30, it’s a little bit embarrassing”.

We are unsure what the future holds for Screamin’ Salmonella, although it has been confirmed that three members have finally decided to get real jobs rather than working shifts in a dive bar.

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