“We’re not angry with you, just disappointed,” say North East Council Leaders

As the Government announced that the North East would enter into a second lockdown following rising rates of COVID-19 infections, Council Leaders across the region issued a joint statement, telling residents that they couldn’t help but be a little bit disappointed with their behaviour over the past several months.

Speaking to The Toon Lampoon’s plague and pestilence correspondent, Newcastle Council Leader Nick Forbes stated, “I, personally, really did expect better from you all. I know it’s been a difficult time, but that is, frankly, no excuse for this kind of behaviour.”

Adding to Forbes’ comments, Leader of Gateshead Council Martin Gannon told The Lampoon, “I’m well aware that things are different in other countries: the President of the United States is letting everyone do what they like, and Bolsonaro is telling everyone that it’s just a little flu. But if all of your friends jumped off a cliff, would you do it as well?”

“Did you think that you were being cool?” asked North Tyneside Mayor, Norma Redfearn. “Did you think that everyone would like you better if you walked around without a mask, hanging out in groups of more than thirty? Because let me tell you, that sort of behaviour’s impressing no-one.”

The new lockdown measures would limit gatherings, preventing socialising with anyone outside your household, whether at home, in public spaces, or at bars and restaurants. “We know that it may not seem fair,” Durham Council Leader Simon Henig stated, “but this is really is for your own good. You may not be able to understand it now, but I – and the rest of the City Council Leaders – have only your best interests at heart.”

Henig later informed The Lampoon that pubs would still remain open until 10pm, as “we didn’t want you to feel like we were coming down too hard on you. Now, run along, you little scamps.”

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