Newcastle business defends “must have taken own father’s life” requirement for content writing position

At the centre of a storm of controversy, a local business has defended its requirement that all applicants should have killed their own father.

The advertisement for the entry-level position of content writer lists under its “required experience and skills” sections, “five years experience as a content/copywriter, a BA in English Literature, English Language, or Journalism, and the successful candidate must have taken the life of their father by the time of application.”

The business, which The Lampoon will not name here, has remained resolute in the face of the criticism it has received. A statement released by the company stated, “Our HR department has consulted with figures both within the role itself and at the highest levels of the organisation. The skills and qualities gained by staring into the eyes of your family’s patriarch as the life and intelligence leaves their body, the last expression on their face one of wounded terror and, perhaps, forgiveness, are vital to this role and ones that we don’t believe can be acquired in any other walk of life.”

“We realise that this requirement may include only a small percentage of hopeful applicants, but we believe it’s unfair to take on an employee when we know they won’t be able to handle the pressures of the position.”

However, a representative from the Employment Agency Standards Inspectorate has claimed that the requirement discriminates against applicants who may not have had the opportunity to kill their father.

The spokesperson told The Lampoon, “No-one here is disputing the importance of taking your father’s life, either in self-defence or in the midst of an adrenaline-fuelled episode. What is not acceptable is how this standard excludes applicants who were raised solely by their mother, or in an orphanage.”

“It’s also worth bearing in mind the lack of clarity; is murdering a foster or adopted father acceptable? A step-father, say, or a favourite teacher? This is not something that should be left to guesswork.”

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