“STOP THE COUNT!”: Trump vocalises support for the enemies of Dracula

Donald Trump was thanked by the people of Transylvania on Thursday evening after publicly decrying Count Dracula in a Twitter tirade.

At 9.12 AM EST on Thursday, Trump controversially tweeted “STOP THE COUNT!” Whilst initially misconstrued as a comment on the 2020 presidential election, Trump’s tweet was in fact a scathing and long-awaited denouncement of the Count of Transylvania, Dracula.

Trump’s comment arrives after a tough week for the people of Transylvania, with a dozen vampire attacks transpiring in the last seven days. It came as no surprise to the public when Count Dracula himself was photographed participating in these attacks, with the blood-sucking supervillain having garnered a reputation for feeding off his people for the past six centuries.

“He used to be a great guy, one of the best guys,” Trump told our reporter when asked about his tweets. “But I need good press, so we will be supporting a coup of Transylvania in the next few days. Some people are saying it will be the best coup. This might delay the election for a few weeks. Let me tell you, this is the biggest issue we’ve had with bats all year.”

Count Dracula is yet to comment on the situation, but both sides are gearing up for possible conflict.

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