Downing Street insiders confirm this all just elaborate way of checking Cummings’s hearing

Reports that the PM’s chief advisor Dominic Cummings is on his way out of 10 Downing Street have been strongly denied, sources close to Mr Johnson have told The Lampoon.

Indeed, a number of sources have clarified that the events of the last 48 hours, including the apparent departure of one of Mr Johnson’s chief aids, are nothing more than Mr Cummings testing his hearing.

“Look, we all know that Dominic likes to do things differently,” says Tory minister Ima Lone. “The alliance between Mr Johnson and Dominic is here for the long run. It is a rock solid political marriage. Trust me, the PM knows about strong marriages, he’s ruined a few himself.”

 “The Lampoon? Never heard of it,” said Mr Cummings when asked to comment, appearing to support the claims that he is losing his hearing.

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