Your government mandated thought of the day

As the official propaganda arm of the Conservative Party, we at The Toon Lampoon are proud to present your new government mandated thought of the day – the only thought you need today.

Today’s thought is: “If you know better, why aren’t you in the House of Lords?” Remember to think this thought whenever you find yourself questioning how the Government has handled the coronavirus/Brexit/austerity/literally anything, and do not think non-approved thoughts for more than 10 minutes a day or GCHQ will be forced to monitor you. Non-approved thoughts are a sign of being an out-of-touch loony lefty, unlike the old money Tory MPs who perfectly represent the British working class. Winston Churchill didn’t win the war against national SOCIALISM by allowing people to think unapproved thoughts, we all got stuck in and thought whatever he told us to, and you should show some patriotic blitz spirit and do the same.

Only someone who spends too much time (any time is too much time) listening to so-called experts who have no idea what the real world is like could even think of an unapproved thought! The real world isn’t about thinking, it’s about doing! Do you think Boris Johnson thinks? No, he does things! He does women half his age! Be like big man Boris and don’t think!

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