Ah yes, the humble column. A wall if a wall was a tube you could walk past and not really a wall. Able to support at least five grams of weight, maybe even more, columns are truly a pillar of modern architecture and deserve every ounce of your respect.
So why am I talking to you today? To be truthful, I don’t know: I don’t do architecture. I’m not really sure what a column is. But what I do know is that big pillars of rock are very cool, and it is about time you all learnt that. Prepare your butts for an experience that will leave you rock hard as I give a run down of all the best columns in the world. Today, we focus on a local landmark.
Grey’s Monument
There’s no better place to start than the long shaft of Charles Grey, the 2nd Earl Grey, known as Grey’s Monument. It was first erected in 1838 and rumour has it that it’s a great spot to have a cry.
Pros
Named after a guy who abolished slavery. Pretty good that.
The lad also has a flavour of tea named after him, but I can’t for the life of me remember what it’s called. Maybe it’s green?
Cons
Too tall.
Taste
Went in expecting a tea flavour, all I got was Greggs sausage roll.
Ability to withstand a punch
I’m pretty sure it shifted a little so I’ll call this one a draw.
FINAL SCORE: 1/1 columns
Arguments may be made about my harsh rating, or if this actually counts as a column, but at the end of the day, this isn’t a democracy. This is cold hard dictatorship, and my voice is the only one which counts.
If you have a column you want reviewing, please let me know. The only requirement is that they are long and hard, just the way I like it.
The Toon Lampoon 