Stephen Colbert made special envoy to Middle East since he knows so fucking much

Talk show host and alleged comedian Stephen Colbert has been appointed a special envoy to the Middle East. The decision was made by American officials who were blown away by his witty and irreverent monologues.

“When we saw this guy, we knew he meant business,” an American diplomat told The Lampoon. “He spends all day talking about the symptoms of a problem he doesn’t have the balls to identify, just like our officials!”

“We’ve tried everything else, so why not talk show liberalism? We need someone who could march up to the Middle East and not even think that imperialism played a role there.”

A British diplomat to the Middle East who is close to The Lampoon welcomed the move. She told our reporter “I was sceptical at first, but after a few wry observations about Trump being orange, he won me over.”

“I’m sure his time in an improv troupe far outweighs my doctorate in international relations. Besides, what do I know? I was only shortlisted for the Nobel Peace Prize.”

Colbert is expected to stay in his new role until he fleshes out a two state solution between Israel and Palestine. Either that, or he comes up with a decent joke, which is expected to take longer.

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