A young boy who had always dreamed of being minded by a hot babysitter had his hopes crushed after his parents revealed that, for the fifth time this month, it would be his grandmother babysitting him yet again.
“I don’t know why my parents keep asking her back,” the boy told our reporter, struggling to hold back the tears.
“Could she swap with one of her hot senior friends just once? At this point a GILF will work fine.”
The boy admitted that his grandmother doesn’t charge for the service, sends him to bed at a sensible time, and has never been found stealing whiskey from his parents’ drinks cabinet.
“Grandma always behaves very respectfully, but I didn’t think that’s what babysitters are meant to do,” the boy said.
“I feel like I’ve missed out on a vital coming-of-age experience. My sexual awakening will be delayed, and it’s all my parents’ fault.”
The boy also admitted that he had once put laxatives in his grandmother’s tea in that hope that she would be forced to return home and call a hot young babysitter to stand in in her place. Instead, his grandmother was physically unable to leave the house for fear of having an accident on the way home, and the boy had to spent the evening avoiding the bad smell in the bathroom.
“I don’t know what to do,” the boy told our reporter despairingly. “I just want someone to think about at bedtime who isn’t a Blue Peter presenter. I’ve ever resorted to printing out pictures of the Blue Peter pets to keep under my pillow.”
The Toon Lampoon’s Head of Human Resources, who relies on a babysitter himself to tell him to stop trolling online and put him to bed every night, shared personal recommendations with the boy.