A local masochist is reportedly getting all comfy to watch the New Year’s Day special of Doctor Who. This follows a long day of bondage, extreme pain endurance and reading The Toon Lampoon.
The masochist told our reporter “Honestly, I’ve made my way this far through the Whittaker era, I may as well keep going.”
“If I’m feeling particularly masochistic, I might even read the fans’ Reddit posts about casting a woman as the Doctor.”
The main issue with becoming a Doctor Who fan is, of course, the increase in sex appeal. This is balanced out, though, by the fact that one’s social life becomes far easier to manage after losing most of one’s friends.
Our reporter was well-qualified to cover this story, in a first for The Lampoon. In our office – which is located in a sex shop – all our staff hotdesk with dominatrices.
It should be known, though, that our reporter only did the polite amount of BDSM sex with the masochist. This was followed almost immediately by the impolite amount.