Sources close to members of Chris Day’s inner circle report he has on more than one occasion expressed that he is worried about people comparing the current situation to George Orwell’s dystopian classic 1984.
An aide for the Head of The Department of Spunking Hundreds of Millions of Pounds on Ugly New Buildings went on record yesterday to claim that they had personally heard Mr. Day express fears that the University’s “brazen and extremely talented and well-opinionated student press” would begin drawing comparisons between the current climate and George Orwell’s ‘1984’.
“I’m literally fucking shaking and crying right now.”Chris Day, allegedly.
One can only speculate on what basis Vice Chancellor Day has these fears, so that is what we will do. Perhaps it could have something to do with the fact that the University recently saw fit to use up to £125,000 of student tuition fees on expanding Operation Oak – the police crackdown on “anti-social behaviour” in student areas.
Why, I wonder, in a cultural climate where a general feeling of living in a surveillance police state is being felt daily, someone might have some thoughts about the University literally paying police to patrol and harass students.
I mean really, surely rumours of plain-clothes police officers lurking around student areas looking for people to issue 10k pound fines to, and students being encouraged to report on their neighbours don’t harken back to any dystopian fiction, and certainly not a dystopian fiction that is touted almost every day on Twitter as “prophetic”.
Personally, I believe his fears are completely unfounded. Comparisons to 1984 should be reserved for when people are mean to you after you make racist comments online. Everyone knows that the only freedom that matters is the freedom to be an asshole online. That, however, is just my opinion.
At press time, a press release was release to the Lampoon office via a sticky note on a brick detailing a pre-emptive denial of any potential future allegations that the Vice Chancellor was a malevolent cosmic entity hell-bent on the reclamation of the universe. The document went on to state that Chris Day was not an acronym for “Acrid Hys or Adris Chy, or any other equally malicious sounding moniker”, and was in fact the Vice Chancellor’s “bonafide, 100% real, given birth name”.
Disclaimer; if it wasn’t already glaringly obvious, this is a work of satirical fiction, and should not be taken as factual.