The USA might have a new president but there is one thing you cannot forget

There are 48 million kangaroos in Australia and only 3,518,552 people in Uruguay.

If the kangaroos decided to invade Uruguay, each member of the population would have to defeat over 13.6 kangaroos each. Of course, only able bodied adults would be able to fight and so the true number of kangaroos needing defeating per capita would be much higher.

A large male kangaroo can be over 2m tall and weigh 90kg. Do not be fooled however: that 90kg is pure muscle. Adult male kangaroos will box each other until one falls down, gives up, or dies. These savage beasts will eviscerate a person with their razor-sharp claws if they perceive them as a threat to their young, their food, or their God-given territory in South America (specifically the country bordered by Argentina and Brazil).

It is easy to see why the kangaroos might try and take over their Promised Land. Uruguay ranks as one of the most progessive countries in the world, and the most in South America. The production, sale, and consumption of cannabis is legal. Same-sex marriage is legal. Abortion is legal. Perhaps most importantly, Uruguay is ranked first in South America for press freedom, much to the relief of this writer should he need to flee the UK.

Some might have thought that the USA and the world would have become completely perfect overnight with the inauguration of President Biden. The truth is that Uruguayans live under the constant threat of having to fight over 13 kangaroos each to the death in order to retain control of their country.

The worst bit is that they might very well have to do it alone. Unfortunately, in 2018, Unión de Naciones Suramericanas (Union of South American Nations) collapsed after a suggestion from then-Uruguayan-president Tabaré Vázquez to expand the common-defense remit of the Consejo de Defensa Suramericano (Council of South American Defense) to include invasion of any member state by foreign marsupials.

At the end of the day, we all know the mankind-macropod military action will happen at some point. One can only hope that both sides respect the Geneva Convention, if only in order to avoid the brutality witnessed in the last war against Australian wildlife, the Emu War.

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