Potential candidates for SNP leadership examined

Following the latest revelations coming out of the Holyrood inquiry into the allegations of inappropriate behaviour of former First Minister Alex Salmond, pressure has mounted on his successor Nicola Sturgeon, with some questioning how long she can remain in her position. With this in mind, The Lampoon has decided to examine the potential successors to the SNP leadership.

Robert Trout
Born in Aberdeen to a 10th generation computer programmer, he is widely seen as the front runner in any future leadership election. He finished second plaice in the 2014 leadership election which brought Nicola Sturgeon to power.

Margaret Squid
A hard-line nationalist originally from Glasgow who is seen as a favourite of the party’s bass. Her politics combine social liberalism with fishcal conservatism.

Alexander ‘Big Al’ Haddock
The sole MP on this list that has been tipped to have serious ambitions for leadership. Is seen as hoping to be able to mussel in on the popularity of the party in a post-Brexit UK.

James McDonnal
Not named after a fish, so has no fucking chance.

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