A policeman has today asked for sympathy after sustaining “catastrophic” injuries to his toe. The officer was “injured” after aggressively shoving a woman attending a peaceful vigil yesterday. The woman in question was not resisting arrest and had her hands above her head at the time of the incident.
The incident was filmed by bystanders who disseminated the video. In an interview about the event this morning, the PoPo officer involved stated: “This is a difficult thing for me to even talk about. The woman stood on my toe after I tried arresting her. That, in the eyes of the law is GBH. I know it’s the law as I myself, like all police, am above the law”. Eyewitnesses dispute this account, telling us “she was nowhere near his little piggies”.
After being probed by reporters, the police officer confirmed that the toe is “a little bit bruised, not broken or anything”, before confirming he is to be awarded both a Bravery Award and a Queen’s Gallantry Medal for his bravery in arresting an unarmed, peaceful vigil attendee using unnecessary brute force. Priti Patel also phoned the officer to commend his “selflessness”.
Despite the events, the officer reiterated calls for sympathy as “not only is my toe hurt, but I’m not used to people not doing what I say, and I’m angry.”
The Toon Lampoon 