Supporters of Rishi Sunak have today embarked on a new strategy to position the Chancellor of the Exchequer as the obvious successor to current Prime Minister Boris Johnson. Supporters have claimed that the MP for Richmond would be “the first travel-sized Prime Minister”.
Many news outlets and the BBC have so far attempted to disguise Sunak’s 5’6” frame with carefully angled photography. The Chancellor’s cabal, however, have begun touting the advantages of having a first among equals who would be the last to know when it was raining.
“The word we would like to associate with Mr Sunak is ‘compact’,” Conservative MP E. Tonian told The Lampoon. “There are, after all, a number of benefits of having such a Lilliputian head of state.”
“Reduced price on airline tickets whenever there are conferences abroad, greater opportunities for storage and, of course, the cuteness factor. I mean, how could anyone vote against that tiny man?”
“Look at him there, in his little suit. You don’t want to make the Prime Minister cry, do you? Imagine how awful you’d feel if you made the tiny Prime Minister cry. Vote Conservative.”
However, not everyone in the Conservative Party has been fully persuaded of the appeal of a Tory Prime Mini-ster. Henry Coningsby, MP for Millbank, stated “I’m well aware of the admirable achievements of famous short men: Danny DeVito, Cayetano Santos Godino, Wolverine.”
“But I cannot in good faith put my support behind a Prime Minister whose official photograph would be mistaken by millions as a child’s first day at big school. More seriously, I’m also troubled by the idea that Sunak would not be able to join other world leaders on a rollercoaster ride.”
According to his supporters, Sunak intends to start his bid for leadership as soon as Boris Johnson is next found to have committed an action unworthy of a Prime Minister.
“It’s a waiting game,” one anonymous source told The Lampoon. “It could be in five minutes. It could be in ten minutes. But, whenever it happens, we’ll be ready to make sure that the Chancellor hasn’t had too many sweets and fizzy pop.”
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