Newcastle University students still at home glad they don’t have to go back

Scores of students who intended to only return for a couple of weeks during the holidays have found themselves stuck at home for the last four months due to the government’s anti-COVID travel ban.

While restrictions have been relaxed, universities across the country have urged their students to not return to their accommodation for the foreseeable future.

However, a recent report from the Institute of Studies has found that many – Newcastle students in particular – don’t seem to mind and, in fact, are quite happy about the circumstances.

“I mean, my food and shopping’s practically all sorted for me at home and some people aren’t even having to pay rent,” said student Matthew West, 20, who wishes to remain anonymous.

“Nobody’s even had in-person teaching for months,” West, who lives in Castle Leazes, continued. “I wonder why we’d be asked to stay in student accommodation if the plan was for everything to be online anyway?”

Another student, Derek Hammond, 21, insisted to Lampoon reporters that the COVID-19 pandemic “is all an elaborate hoax”

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