The Toon Lampoon’s 5-a-side team has taken the bold stance of refusing any offer to participate in the new European Super League. Critics have suggested the move is motivated less by principle and more by the fact that The Toon Lampoon doesn’t have a 5-a-side team.
The Lampoon has rebutted that if only actual teams are able to qualify, it begs the question of how Arsenal managed.
However, to assuage detractors, The Lampoon has formed a 5-a-side team just so it can refuse to participate in the European Super League. The players were drawn from the homeless shelter where Lampoon writers live, and the Newcastle reserve squad.
The team captain explained “It’s very important we take a stand against greed, unless it’s our greed. As such, we will not be accepting any offer to join the European Super League, provided we are absolutely certain there’s no money in it.”
Note: the first two jokes were written by The Lampoon’s very own Tom Clarke. This blatant plagiarism has taken place because we at The Lampoon have about as much common decency as the founding clubs of the European Super League.
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