Labour’s catastrophic performance in local elections has led party insiders to begrudgingly admit that working class voters don’t feel represented by a literal knight. As such, the party has announced it will be trialling a new strategy, called “opposition”.
The shift to new tactics has not been easy.
“After we got twatted in Hartlepool worse than a hen do, we needed a shake-up,” a member of Labour’s frontbench told The Lampoon. “So now we’re trying these things called… policies?”
“Am I saying that right?”
Another member of Labour’s top brass spoke to The Lampoon’s democracy reporter while soliciting him for sex in an alley.
“We’re aware that the blame for this lies with one man,” they explained between thrusts. “Corbyn.”
“Obviously, Labour’s failures can be chalked up to the guy from whom we’ve spent 14 months loudly disassociating. It’s not that our leader is a man with as much vision and direction as Princess Diana’s chauffeur.”
“Corbyn’s also the reason I have erectile dysfunction,” he added, unprompted.
Featured Image: Wikimedia Commons