Local purity organisation campaigns to ban Trollope books from schools

Censorship Under New Terms, a local organisation that professes an intent to “improve the lives and experiences of children everywhere”, has begun its latest campaign: an effort to remove the complete works of Anthony Trollope from all school libraries in the UK.

“I think, if you consider it carefully, the reason is entirely obvious,” stated chapter spokesperson and excerpt-reader, Emily Recht. “When I first saw those books, without even needing to open them, I knew that we had found our next big challenge.”

Anthony Trollope, whose literary works include the Palliser novels, The Chronicles of Barsetshire, and the sweeping literary satire, The Way We Live Now, is credited alongside Benjamin Disraeli with establishing the parliamentary novel in Britain.

Recht, however, is unmoving in her stance. “I’ve been met with a great deal of resistance since launching this campaign. I’m sure that people are very content to live in a world where children can have open access to…well, I’m sure I don’t even need to even say the name.”

Censorship Under New Terms say that their aims include the removal of all the works of Trollope from school libraries, as well as the works of George Meredith, George Elliot, and anyone else who writes “truly boring shite about politics”.

“I’ve just had enough with our children having 500 pages of typewritten chloroform clapped over their mouths,” Recht told our reporter. “Being a child is a confusing, bewildering, generally crap time, and the last thing the little sods need is to get smacked around the brain by some bollocks about domestic politics or the struggle between the Church and the landed gentry.”

The organisation say that they would be willing to allow amnesty in the case of the works of Charles Dickens, “provided there’s some real kick-ass martial arts shit added to the nearby shelves”.

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