Matt Hancock’s wife still processing that he’s been kissed

The wife of ex-Health Secretary and alleged human being Matt Hancock today revealed her shock at finding out that Mrs. Colangelo kissed her husband. Mrs. Hancock went on to reveal that she has “never kissed [her] husband” and, if forced to show affection, Mr. Hancock instead prefers a “‘weak handshake”.

The osteopath went on to say she was truly sorry for Mrs. Colangelo, as she did not believe that “Matt ever learnt how to kiss”. As such, the kiss she shared with Mr Hancock is understood to have been “grim” and “probably tasted like egg”.

Asked what she plans to do next, Hancock said she “has a date with Oliver Tress”, indicating we could see a game of political ‘Wife Swap’ come soon to our screens.

Martha Hancock finished up her comments to The Lampoon by noting “Matt is like one of those shits that won’t flush, endlessly bobbing up just as you think it’s gone.”

“He’s like melanoma, but more cancerous, and thanks to him, if you wanted it treated properly, you’d have to go private.”

Featured image: Robin Higgins on Pixabay

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