The Lampoon can reveal that a man whose friends described him to a newcomer as “a bit of a character” is actually just a twat. The newcomer explained that she met the man through mutual friends last night, and agreed to discuss the incident with The Lampoon’s social affairs correspondent.
The man began the evening by insisting on ordering shots, being rude to staff and not taking off his cravat. He proceeded to explain to the newcomer that it’s ridiculous that women idolise men like Timothée Chalamet, before talking for an hour about Laurence Fox.
The newcomer has since confirmed she is suing for emotional damage.
“Oh my god, he was doing voices,” the woman added, while pinching the bridge of her nose. “I think it was an impression of the waiter, or maybe a bad John F. Kennedy, or a really bad Jackie Kennedy.”
“The best I can say about it was it probably wasn’t racist.”
The man is expected to be offered a job at a Big Four bank any day, though The Toon Lampoon would be interested in knowing if he had any experience in satire.
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