Confused Johnson announces all poppies after Brexit will be blue

Boris Johnson has today told the House of Commons, the world’s highest maintenance nursing home, that all poppies will be blue after Brexit.

The announcement inspired the ire of Labour leader and your mum’s boring older boyfriend, Keir Starmer.

“I’m incredibly saddened by this policy. I’m told by my spin doctor that ‘sad’ is an emotion, sort of like stubbing your toe but stubbing your brain,” Starmer told reporters.

“Rest assured, your Leader of the Opposition won’t stand idly by. He will stand competently by, and say a lot of cross soundbites.”

“We are the party for peace,” Johnson insisted, “except in regions where it is profitable to be for war.”

“Labour went gallivanting into the Middle East based on half-truths, but not us. We do our lying at home, like patriots.”

“This is the perfect way to pay our respects to British veterans of wars that Britain started.”

Featured image: Financial Times

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s