Tory voters embarrassed at how much worse CBI speech would have been under Corbyn

Supporters of corporate meat puppet factory the Conservative Party have expressed embarrassment at the Prime Minister’s speech at the Confederation of British Industry. Specifically, the right-leaning portion of the electorate have admitted dismay at just how much worse it would have gone under Corbyn.

“It is a source of humiliation that Boris Johnson paused for twenty seconds, but we all know Corbyn would have done it for thirty,” one Tory voter told The Lampoon.

Another Conservative supporter agreed to speak to our reporter over WhatsApp.

“At least Boris made a reference to the Peppa Pig theme park. Corbyn would have had to talk about a vegan alternative,” he said, before adding no less than six cry-laughing emojis.

“That’s Corbyn’s issue: no self-awareness.”

The speechwriter who came up with the idea of Boris Johnson praising the Peppa Pig theme park has been offered a job writing for hack open mic comedians everywhere.

Featured image: Evening Standard on YouTube

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