Fabian Hamilton spends rest of PMQs sat cross-legged after Johnson photo question

Following his question to the Prime Minister about the newly-released photograph of Boris Johnson apparently attending a Christmas party, Fabian Hamilton allegedly crossed one leg over the other and spent the remainder of Prime Minister’s Questions quietly trying not to attract anyone’s attention.

“I mean…it’s understandable,” said Keir Starmer, when questioned about the Labour MP’s behaviour. “If I’d had the chance of the drop that sort of bomb on the Prime Minister, I’d have drilled a hole through the despatch box.”

Hamilton himself assured The Toon Lampoon that any sign of physical arousal was purely related to slinging yet more evidence of the Prime Minister’s duplicity onto the towering pile, rather than anything sordid.

“Does it make me feel… well, grubby, knowing that, most likely, Dominic Cummings had a hand… metaphorically speaking… in my erection?” the Labour MP for Leeds North East wondered aloud. “I tried very much not to think about that, but the source of political dynamite is not a choice, after all. For my part, I simply did my best to focus on the Prime Minister.”

“It still felt dirty, but I can at least live with myself.”

Following the end of Prime Minister’s Questions, Hamilton was able to bring an end to his embarrassing condition after two seconds of looking at Culture Secretary Nadine Dorries.

“Fortunately, she didn’t notice that I was gazing at her,” Hamilton assured The Lampoon. “Then again, at this time of the day, she’s probably seeing in pure double vision.”

Featured image: Wikimedia Commons

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