Environment, sponsored by BP Oil

The environment. We all live in it. And we all have a role to play in exploiting it.

We at BP Oil are committed to setting the record straight, and breaking down “climate change” myths pushed by greedy people with liberal agendas. It’s a scientific fact that trees need carbon dioxide! We’re committed to supplying it to them, so our trees and profit margins can flourish.

Disclaimer: We are not actually sponsored by BP Oil. BP, if you’re reading, our morals are very much flexible enough for us to be open it

Coma patient from 2014 wakes up, thinks Obama is dead

Our US correspondent, when in hospital for injuries sustained after fighting a rabid squirrel, came across the story of a coma patient who had woken up only today. Instead of respecting doctor-patient privileges, they listened in to the whole exchange and decided to report for you, our dear readers. The coma patient was supposedly woken

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Newcastle trebles bars offer three vaccine shots for a fiver

After the national lockdown forced them to keep their doors shut, struggling Newcastle trebles bars have found an innovative way to stay out of the red and profit from a ballooning new industry. Quick-thinking trebles bars across the city are now offering three shots of COVID-19 vaccines for a fiver. “In many ways, what we’re

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Biden family finds White House “riddled” with Home Alone-esque booby traps

The Biden family encountered difficulties while moving into the White House following President Joe Biden’s inauguration on Wednesday. Eyewitnesses reported hearing “screams, whizzes, bangs and small explosions” coming from the residence only minutes after the President’s arrival. An FBI investigation the following day revealed that hundreds of booby traps had been meticulously inserted throughout the

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