Revealed: Leazes cows have more sex than computer science students

Research has conclusively revealed that the resident cows roaming round the Castle Leazes field get more action than Computer Science students.

The discovery was made by the Computer Science students themselves, who for the past year have been keeping a close eye on the sexual exploits of the Leazes cows. Needless to say, the students didn’t need a very big sheet of paper to keep track of their own tallies.

Student CD Rom spoke to us about the revelations: I thought I knew loads about hardware but it turns out I’m only an expert at software.

“When you meet a nice lady on a night out you can’t take her to bed and just turn her off and back on again. That’s where I’ve been going wrong for the past 19 years.

“The first time I had a girl in my bed I actually tried to find her disc drive, but it turns out that most modern women aren’t compatible with floppy discs.”

Meanwhile, the Leazes cows were proven to be exceptionally horny, allegedly caused by their Love Island binge watch. After they finished the TV show, bulls were seen trying out new positions when they were in the mood.

Reports have also emerged of cows engaged in the reverse cowgirl position, after a curious fresher decided to get involved following a few too many VKs.

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