Citizens across the United States have been horrified to wake up the day after President Joe Biden was inaugurated to find that their country looks, well, basically the same.
In his speech on Capitol Hill, Biden addressed the four crises currently facing the US: the COVID-19 pandemic, the resultant economic slump, the climate emergency and the country’s institutional racism. These were themes prevalent in his election campaigning, too
But, 20 hours into his presidency, Americans woke up the next morning to find the country very much the same, except someone new had taken over the @POTUS Twitter account.
“I thought the sun would be shining, the birds would be singing, and both COVID and racism would be gone,” Biden campaigner Hilarie Clinten told The Toon Lampoon. “But it’s still January, the birds have migrated south because of climate change, and COVID and racism are still destroying our nation. This wasn’t what we were promised.”
“Our toilet’s still broken, and the plumber says he doesn’t have an opening ’til next week. Plus, they’ve ran out of strawberry Pop-Tarts at my local Walmart. It’s a shambles.”
Clinten isn’t the only only disappointed by the new administration.
“It sucks,” disgraced former president Donald Trump, dressing gown-clad on his balcony in Mar-a-Lago, shouted to anyone who would listen. “Biden is just letting this country down. The people are so bigly disappointed.”
In his first 24 hours in office, Biden signed a slew of executive orders. The US will be rejoining the WHO, signing onto the Paris Accord, and overturning Trump’s travel ban on majority-Muslim countries. But, as we all know from our experience at The Toon Lampoon creating a charge.org petition to get us recognised as the official Newcastle University student paper, just signing your name doesn’t get you very far.
“We expected massive assault rifles shooting out COVID vaccines, football pitch-sized vacuums sucking all the pollution out of the air, and money falling from the sky,” Clinten explained. “There’s been none of that.”
Biden has also disappointed his new citizens with his underwhelming Twitter presence, too. No exclamation marks have appeared in his tweets so far, and capital letters have only been used where grammatically necessary.
Americans are waiting with bated breath to see whether the new president does bring real change beyond just a subdued social media presence.