The Toon Lampoon was today accused of a campaign of gutter journalism by an unnamed man in possession of a thick, meaty hog.
The complainant, described by one Lampoon writer as having ripe, dick-sucking lips, has claimed that he has faced a history of persecution by the satire outlet. They alleged the humour publication used its articles to draw attention to his shapely calves and firm, pendulous cock.
“It all started about a year ago,” the naughty little tease told our reporter, tears filling eyes more soulful than an Irish sky. “I began to get these articles forwarded to me, all talking about me and my… well, you know.”
The rest of this interview has unfortunately been lost, as our reporter was too busy staring in rapturous ecstasy at the prominent bulge in the man’s trousers. The Lampoon understands that the protuberance pulsed with potential and promise.
The individual in question, lips trembling in a come hither fashion, has claimed that he will be seeking a restraining order from The Toon Lampoon. The Lampoon’s legal team have already made it perfectly clear that they’re willing to be restrained by that cheeky little minx any time he wants.
He will also be seeking as-of-yet unknown damages as a form of compensation, claiming that this incident has left him unable to fully discharge his duties as the President of the People’s Republic of China.
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