In a decisive win for your mental health, the two least sufferable people you know have contained themselves by arguing about poppies.
The argument sees your friend who still posts atheist quotes by Ricky Gervais take on fellow intellectual heavyweight, your dad.
Usually, your dad would subject you to his opinions about young people not wearing a poppy whenever you’re dim-witted enough to pick up on FaceTime. Now, he gets to do it with the friend who corners your girlfriend at parties to talk about the Middle East.
During the argument, your friend has been taking the angle that everyone who wears poppies is a Tory with “small dick energy”. This ingenious piece of rhetoric is set to completely stymie your dad, who is about to Google it and end up on a watchlist.
As for The Lampoon, we proudly stand with the old, heroic inmates of Ford Open Prison, who make poppies for less than £10 a week. With no contract, pension or right to organise, they really are the epitome of the Blitz spirit.
Featured image: Pixahive